Stage Fright

Last night, the old gang returned to a tiny pub in my hometown. By old gang, I mean all of the musicians who performed there at an open mic night that got fairly popular before the host shut it down.

And so, when that same host revived the open mic, it was a reunion gig. I smiled as I looked around at the familiar faces, and I thought about how much change had taken place in my own life since then.  There was a time when this little neighborhood open mic was not such a happy place for me. In fact, for a time, it was my own little house of terror.

 

This pub was the first time I played out in public as a soloist with a band. I remembered being terrified back then, scared witless on most of those open mic nights, pacing behind the club in the parking lot in the dark, trying to shake my wicked bad case of nerves.  

Or maybe hiding in the bushes.

But last night, I laughed at those memories. So what happened between then and now?   I played out every chance I could over the coming years -- country, jazz, rock, soul, whatever, wherever, and whenever.  I was just awful. I blew many clams. But in time I gained confidence and I got past the nerves that kept my brain plugged and my hands shaking and my embouchure locked into bad muscle cramps. That’s all gone now. 

I broke down my old stage fright and saw that it came from three sources:

1) Fear of future consequences

And

2) Not being prepared

And

3) Trying to impress others

#1. By fear of future consequences, I mean this: we create our own imaginary scenarios of doom. We imagine ourselves crashing and burning and being chased from the stage in shame.  But this is all FICTION. That’s right. This stuff only seems real. We make it up in our heads. We imagine things that have not happened, and likely never will happen. Stage fright is an extension of our imaginations.

#2. Not being prepared. This is a big one. When I was starting out as an improviser, almost every key was challenging. And coming up with solos, let alone getting around the melody in, say, F# or Db became a brutally frightening experience in front of an audience.  But did I really practice the chord changes I knew were coming? Did I learn the melodies to the point that I had them down cold? Or, did I noodle around for a half hour before the show (and then again behind the club) and figure I’d just wing it? 

You guessed it --- in the beginning, when I needed to practice the most, I did not.

#3. Trying to impress others is pure poison. This act alone will throttle any creative ideas you have and throw them under the bus of “I’m not good enough. That other sax player – man, he/she’s way better than me,” and on and on. Sound familiar? Of course it does, because we all put ourselves through this.

The antidote for me was to stop focusing on everything else, and to focus instead on the music and what I might add to it, to listen and hear what the other instruments were laying down.  In other words, being present in that moment on any given bandstand.  How did I get from stage fright to confidence?  Time. 

Stage fright is normal. It is not a condemnation of your ability. It’s a universal thing, this fear of performing. 

Yes, deep breathing helps. So does good posture, smiling, wearing nice clothes, having a great reed, and keeping your horn in good repair. Get to the gig early. Warm up. Don’t play cold. Common sense, right?  There are many resources available for dealing with -- Bulletproof Musician is one of my favorites:  http://www.bulletproofmusician.com/

But if your focus is anywhere but on the music, if you don’t actually know the music cold to the point that you can sing it, and if you worry your brain with thoughts of how much better the other players are than you, well, nothing will help. Take those dragons out of the game first.

And now, get up there and blow every note like you mean it.

performance anxiety, stage fright, self-image, confidence boosters, fear of failure